Body Acceptance: Self love and Non- Judgmental Awareness
Body Positivity: Loving Ourselves in a Culture that Teaches Us Not To
Our culture has an appearance obsession that can be harmful for our attitudes and well-being. I feel called to include a trigger warning here on the topic of body issues. If you feel called to read further, I welcome you into being a guide for creating a new culture of body acceptance. In this article, I examine the “beauty sickness” that is present in our world, I look to the archetype of the natural wild woman to re-connect us with our instinctual loving nature, and shed light on how we can begin to detox from the destructive forces of judgement.
In a culture that teaches us to judge, it can feel like a rebellious act to love ourselves fully.
We are encouraged to find flaws and consume anything that will lead us towards “perfection”. But what if we were not striving to be or look a different way, and found acceptance in who we are right now?
It is time we change this status quo that leads us to judge and criticize ourselves, and instead start appreciating the magnificence of every body. Your body is a vehicle for your soul! Your soul chose this body for its specific soul purpose and spiritual evolution. Unfortunately, we are not taught this in terms of body acceptance. We are taught to negatively evaluate ourselves . “Girls learn how they look is more important than who they are”, from the book Beauty Sick, author Dr. Renne Englen goes on to say, “Fed by a culture that focuses on women’s appearance over anything else they might do or say, beauty sickness prevents too many of today’s women from living the happy, meaningful lives they deserve”.
Even though statistically this sickness seems to affect more women then men, we are all a part of this judgmental culture and all play a role in stepping into a more loving and accepting society.
I believe our innate nature is not to judge, but to love.
I believe our instinctual nature is to appreciate the gift of the human experience in a physical body. The book Women Who Run with The Wolves, Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes discusses the “wild woman archetype” that represents the instinctual nature of women that we have lost touch with over time. She points out how the wild woman would not even think to judge her appearance in the ways we have come to consider normal:
“Destroying a woman’s instinctive affiliation with her natural body cheats her of confidence. It causes her to perseverate about whether she is a good person or not, and bases her self-worth on how she looks instead of who she is. It pressures her to use up her energy worrying about how much food she consumes or the readings on the scale and tape measure… It is unthinkable in the instinctive world that a woman should live preoccupied by appearance in this way.”
The instinctual nature is not to judge our body but accept it. Naturally, we accept what has been passed down from generations and honor the beauty and magnificence of purely existing in a body. Yes, it makes sense to nourish our bodies and eat healthy. We can approach this nourishment in the context of wanting to feel healthy, take care of ourselves, and treat the body with respect. Eat well and exercise in the context of wanting to feel good! Not striving to be different.
The harsh body talk and judgmental attitudes have become normalized creating a culture of as Dr. Estes says, “hunched over tall girls, short women on stilts, women of size dressed as though in mourning, very slender women trying to puff themselves like adders and various other women in hiding”.
Why is it taboo to love ourselves just the way we are?
When we own our energy, practice self-love, and body acceptance, then we re-connect with our innate nature that is confident, loving, and well.
Now I am not saying stop all beauty routines and start binge eating. I am saying do what makes you feel good! I love celebrating beauty and enjoy taking time to do my hair and make-up (some days). The wild woman celebrates beauty too – in all its forms, shapes, sizes, colors, and textures. The point is to not judge or criticize but to embody who we are. Recognizing that everyday can be different - some days you might feel good getting dressed up, and some days you might feel best in sweat pants. Follow what contributes to your health and well-being, checking in with yourself each day, about what makes you feel best. And honestly, I often do feel my best when I put effort into my appearance but I try to approach it from the context of self love and self care rather than judgement. We can check in and treat ourselves without spending energy judging or worrying what the cultural appearance obsession might say.
The wild woman would say “WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?”
She would dance around naked with rolls in her belly, her tits hanging to her hips, and grey hairs on her head. She could not fathom someone telling her she was fat or ugly or not up to some societal standards of what it means to be beautiful. Wild woman doesn’t give a f*ck about societal judgments. You know why? She loves herself! She focuses on how she feels, not on how she looks.
Now I wish I could tell you that it’s easy to have positive body talk and love yourself, but I am not going to lie to you. We have a lot of social conditioning to undo but I believe the change we want to see in the world, starts from within.
These habits are deeply ingrained in us. We look in the mirror and find flaws. We judge ourselves for eating the last cookie. We think if I could just weigh a little less or whatever it is. The thing is they are not really flaws, only judgments.
One of my favorite authors, Gabby Bernstein wrote a book called Judgement Detox. She defines judgement as, “Separation from love”.
On how to heal these destructive tendencies she writes:
“To begin the journey of healing judgment and restoring love, we must recognize that we all have the same problem and the same solution. Our problem is that we separated from love and the solution is to return to love.”
The solution is love sounds simple, but is easier said than done because we are conditioned to judge all the time. But what if we can remove positive or negative charges and just witness? Can we witness our judgment without judgment? Can we replace our judgement with love?
What if our eyes could only see with love, kindness, and compassion? How would our body talk be different? How would our interactions with others be different?
I started realizing a few years ago how deeply ingrained these societal judgment patterns are. I heard the negative talk saying ‘I’m too fat, I’m too tall, I’m not pretty enough’ and then went wait a minute! These are not voices of love and this is not my true self thoughts. Then, I started my affirmation practice. I have found affirmations to be really helpful for combating negative self talk. I often say them as part of my morning meditation. I then added in affirmations like, “I love myself. I am confident. I am beautiful. I am love. I am strong. I am fit. I am healthy. I am radiant.”
It’s important to say your affirmations even if you’re not feeling that way, because our consistent self talk can significantly contribute to how we feel. Notice what your negative self-talk is. If we can become aware of the patterns, we can change the patterns, and add in new affirmations. Affirmations can help change the habitual negative thoughts that get instilled in us by society. If we can change our patterns of thought, we will begin to change how we feel. How we feel is what is really important.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “See the light in others and treat them as if that’s all you see.” Which I also believe applies to ourselves. You might add to your affirmations, “the light in me is all I see”.
The practice of yoga and meditation has also provided me with an amazing skill set to rid of judgement, to be fully in my body in the present moment, and with acceptance for where I am. Affirmations and yoga are not the only way we can practice body acceptance. Dancing is also a great way to feel present and embodied. Going hiking or being out in nature can help us connect to the instinctual wild woman archetype.
Follow your heart.
Remember, the instinctual nature is love not judgement.
Focus on the love, release judgments about yourself and others, and watch us create - from within - a new culture of acceptance.
With love,
Brooke